Thursday, June 25, 2009

The Farm Recap 101: Very Bad Girls

By Julia Watson, on April 1st, 2009 from http://www.velvetparkmedia.com



Call it a stroke of fate, the scoop of the year, or what you will, but yours truly got her hot little hands on an advanced copy of the pilot episode of The L Word’s spin-off series. Yes, folks! I’m talking about The Farm, starring Leisha Hailey. Thar be spoilers ahead…

Alice is stripping off a pair of dirt-stained blue coveralls. As she undresses, she stares into the mirror, her expression distant, incredulous. The scene flashes to Alice, orange jumpsuit-begarbed, sitting in a courtroom as a judge pronounces her guilty of second-degree murder in the killing of one Jennifer Schecter. In the courtroom, she bears the same shocked but slightly removed expression.

The scene flashes back to the present. Al heads into a group shower area, where a few other women are already naked under the steamy spray. Clearly nervous, waxing friendly, Al greets them, but the others ignore her ? except for one. A stern-faced young black woman gives her a terse nod of acknowledgment. Al attempts to strike up a friendly conversation with her nearest neighbor as she showers. Again, she is ignored. Someone laughs behind her and she turns, delighted at the sound of real, live mirth.

It’s the stern woman and three others. “Hi, Wade!” Alice begins brightly, taking in the expressions of open malice on the faces of the others. “What can I do for ya?” Quick as a flash, Wade grabs Alice by the throat, slamming her back against the wall. Alice struggles, but the others, including a blond girl with a swastika tattooed on her arm, flank her, pinning her arms. Wade belts her hard across the face. “You can start showing me the proper respect, Freshie. That’s what you can do for me.” She leers. “For starters.” Off Alice’s expression of pain and dismay…

The opening credits roll amidst scenes of little girls playing on a playground ? monkey bars, dodgeball, double dutch. The music is a punk girl group covering Johnny Cash’s “Folsom Prison Blues.” The behavior of the girls gets more and more menacing, bullying, as they play, until their games and smiles take on new, sinister meaning.
A yellow prison bus rattles down a dusty road through fields and farms. A title reads “Earlier that day.” Inside the bus is Alice, seated across the aisle from the bus’s other lone occupant, (Famke Janssen, HOT!!!) a strikingly attractive woman who radiates calm self-assurance. Both women are handcuffed and wear orange prison jumpsuits. Alice: “She believed me at first. But after they found stupid Jenny’s diary everything changed. I guess it was doomed anyway after everything that has happened. A cop and a convicted murderer? Not exactly West Side Story material.” Famke’s character, Valentina, smiles ruefully. Alice asks her what she’s “in for,” but Val just smiles.

The bus pulls up to a security gate and we get our first glimpse of “The Farm.” Farm it is, with fields, orchards and even a livestock barn surrounded by pens of goats. Women in green coveralls are busy rebuilding a fence in a nearby pasture. The bus pulls up in front of a compound surrounded by a tall chain-link fence topped with razor wire. A wiry-looking middle-aged woman in a guard uniform stands out in front, waiting for them.

The guard introduces herself as Officer Miller. She seems particularly interested in Valentina, giving her a long once-over. They follow her into the main office and Alice starts asking questions, rapid-fire, about living quarters, working the farm, etc. Officer Miller tells her the warden will be happy to answer those kinds of questions. Alice: “We get to meet the warden?” Miller: “She likes to meet all the new inmates herself first thing, to explain how we do things here.”

Alice and Valentina wait silently with Officer Miller outside the warden’s office. A raucous bark of laughter comes from behind the closed door, on which a sign reads: Warden Margaret Elder. A moment later the door swings open, revealing Laurie Metcalf (Roseanne) in slacks and a flannel button down shirt with a collar. She’s alone and beckons them in with a hearty welcome. The warden dismisses Officer Miller, asking her to go get some ammo (?). Alice: “Ammo? You’re not gonna use that on us, I hope!” The warden laughs again, a hyena-like cackle. Warden Elder: “Not if you play your cards right, Pieszecki.”

The warden unlocks their handcuffs herself. Her office is crammed with knickknacks and there’s a Survivor: Vanuatu calendar on the wall. She tells them it’s a privilege to be placed there, to be outside in the fresh air all day instead of being locked up on a cell block. The farm is a minimum security facility, we learn, but “discipline and protocol are strictly enforced.” Alice is relieved to learn that instead of cell blocks, inmates live together in barracks with members of their assigned work group, called “yards.” Alice and Valentina are assigned together to Yard Three. The warden suggests that they work hard and keep their heads down, and they’ll do just fine here. Warden: “Right, Galindo?” Valentina, in a cool, measured tone: “Yes, ma’am.” They lock eyes for a beat, and the warden nods. They understand one another. Alice looks lost, another question forming on her lips.

Just then there’s a knock at the door. In walks a young woman wearing blue coveralls, sporting a curly afro and a guileless, goofy grin. The woman, to the warden: “You wanted to see me, Boss?” Warden: “Ah, Ammo. Yes, meet your new yardmates, Alice Pieszecki and Valentina Galindo.” Ammo’s eyes widen at the mention of Valentina’s name. Alice catches this, shooting Valentina a piercing look. The warden asks Ammo to show the newcomers to the laundry and the barracks. Then it’s straight to work! Ammo seems happy to have scored this duty.

Ammo chats easily with Alice as they make their way to the laundry, but she seems a little in awe of Valentina. They’ve arrived just in time, Ammo says. It’s the last Friday of the month, and there’ll be a competition later that afternoon to see which of the yards get the best work assignments for the following month. Yard Three has been short on manpower and could use two extra pairs of hands. Alice is surprised to learn about the competition, but Ammo says that isn’t all: the yards compete regularly for all sorts of privileges ? better food, computer lab time, entertainment ? you name it. Apparently the warden is a big fan of reality TV and has taken a cue from Survivor in running the place. (Oh dear.) Alice says it sounds almost fun. Ammo: “It’s not so bad when your team wins. Lately? We been dead last.” She grumbles about their leader.

The newbies drop off armloads of clean jumpsuits and linens at their new digs (Valentina takes the top bunk above Alice.) and they quickly change into their new blue coveralls. While dressing, Alice notices a beautiful tattoo on Valentina’s left shoulder blade ? a tree with tiny tear-shaped leaves. Valentina catches her looking and smiles.

The three women sign out at the front desk under the watchful eye of a guard, and they head out the front gate toward the barn. As they approach the barn’s side yard, a piercing wail sounds. Ammo curses and starts off at a run, Alice and Valentina hurrying after her. A pretty young Latina woman is crouched in the mud, her hands over her ears, sobbing as a rough-looking blond girl (Ooh! It’s swastika chick!) stands over her, nudging her with her boot and letting loose a stream of dirty words in a singsong-y voice. Both wear blue coveralls matching the ones Alice, Valentina and Ammo are wearing. A ways back, a few other similarly clad women watch the scene unfolding without interfering.

Glam promo shot for Blond Swastika Chick/Melody.
Ammo, to Blondie: “You leave her alone! What the hell is your problem, Melody?” Melody gives the woman a vicious kick. Her face impassive, Val moves to stand at Ammo’s side. Ammo: “Melody, you ain’t met Valentina yet. Valentina Galindo?” Clearly the name registers. The woman on the ground continues to sob and, disgusted, Blondie/Melody steps away from her. Melody, to Ammo: “Handle your bitch, bitch.” Ammo helps the woman up from the ground. Crying woman, to Ammo: “She be talking nasty to me!” Ammo pats her back consolingly. Val, still perfectly calm, stares down an uncomfortable-looking Melody.

Another woman (the one who attacked Alice in the opening teaser, Wade) appears, asking what the hell is going on. She tells Melody, Ammo and crying girl to get back to work and they comply. Wade brusquely informs Valentina that it’s not her place to handle squabbles between yardmates. Wade: “That’s my job. Got it?” Refusing to be baited, Valentina politely introduces herself, and Alice, too; her unwavering courtesy makes Wade uneasy. She sets them to their first task: mucking out the pig pen. Gross.

Alice balks at the foul stink of the place. Wade: “This ain’t no Sunnybrook and you ain’t named Rebecca.” Alice: “Actually my name is Rebecca. Just kidding! It’s Alice. But you know that. Just a little joke. To break the um… ice? Not that you seem cold! I mean…” Wade sticks around a while to watch them while they work, enjoying their humiliation. Alice makes a good-natured crack about paying their dues on the first day, but Valentina challenges Wade’s presence, politely suggesting that surely she has something better to do than stand around and watch them at this. Wade, nastily: “I don’t give a shit who you are outside’a this place. In here? We got our own way of doing things. And in Yard Three? That way is my way.” Valentina, unfazed: “I see.”

Promo mugshot for Wade.
Later, Alice and Valentina dump a wheelbarrow full of pig poop onto a compost heap. They wash off a bit at a nearby water spigot and sit down to take a breather, where they’re joined by Ammo and the woman Melody was picking on earlier. Ammo introduces her as Graciela, saying that she’s a little “touched,” but she’s “good people.” Rather meaningfully, she says it’s important to have a buddy here, someone to watch your back. She thanks Val for her support earlier. Val says she was happy to help.

Shyly, Graciela gives the two newcomers an orange apiece. (Apparently they missed lunch as they were arriving.) After peeling hers, Valentina pulls it apart and offers half back to Graciela, who grins and accepts it. The four of them talk about the upcoming competition. Yard Three is desperate to get off the bottom rung of the chore assignment list, which includes all of the dirtiest, grossest jobs imaginable on the farm. Ammo drops a pointed hint, looking right at Valentina, that not everyone in their yard is happy with Wade’s leadership, and that all it takes is a simple majority to choose a new leader. Val: “Well. We’ll just have to see about that, won’t we?”

It’s competition time and Alice and Valentina join the rest of Yard Three in a field that has been set up as an obstacle course. Josie, the leader of Yard Five trash talks the two newest members of Yard Three, but she shakes hands with Valentina in a display of surprisingly good sportsmanship. Alice notices that each “Yard” is distinguished by a different color of coveralls. (Five is kind of a khaki color, Three is blue, etc.) From the assembled colors, there look to be at least six or seven different yards. Officer Miller comes over to wish Valentina good luck.

The competition is a complicated, eight-part relay race involving tests of strength, dexterity, wits and speed. As Yard Leader, Wade must assign her teammates to each leg of the race. Ammo suggests that Alice and Valentina get the brainiac leg of the race (putting together a small 3-D puzzle) but Wade, resenting the implication that Valentina is smarter than her, takes that job for herself and one of her cronies, and puts Alice and Valentina on the important final leg: racing through a mud pit three-legged race style and then digging through a large plastic kiddie pool full of sludge, to look for marbles. The first team to find three marbles of their own yard’s color wins.

Warden Elder appears, giddy with excitement, and kicks the whole thing off, shooting a pistol into the air. Things start out okay for Yard Three, with Ammo finishing second in the push-ups leg (Who knew?), and Melody barreling through a guard in a padded gladiator outfit on a narrow balance beam. Likewise with the next few legs ? until Wade and her partner lose a huge amount of time trying to put together her puzzle, setting their team back. Finally, it’s down to Alice and Valentina. From the sidelines, Wade snarls at them to move their asses. They eat it big time once, Alice coming up with a face full of mud, but working together, they make it through quickly. Still, Wade’s delay has hurt them: by the time they get to the kiddie tub, they are the last team there. And Josie already has two marbles for Yard Five. Alice finds a blue marble right off the bat, shrieking with glee. But then Josie finds a third, winning first place for her team. Valentina finds a second blue one, and a moment later, a third. Second place. Not too shabby! The women of Yard Three crowd around Alice and Val, slapping them on the back and crowing in excitement, celebrating. Wade glares at them, looking fit to kill, but says nothing.

There’s no time to shower before dinner, so the filthiest competitors are taken over to a nearby greenhouse to be hosed off. As Alice waits in line with Valentina, someone standing next to her greets a friendly looking guy carrying a tray of baby plants. The guy, Alfredo, introduces himself to Alice and Val and Alice suddenly twigs to what he’s holding. Alice: “That isn’t ? that can’t be…” She looks around to see if the guards are looking. Alfredo: “Chill, girl. It’s cool.” Alice and Val follow him a few paces into the greenhouse, and as the door is opened, Alice gasps: the greenhouse is full of pot plants. Alfredo: “Ladies, you are looking at the pride of Humboldt State Farm and Prison for Women. This is our medical marijuana growhouse.” Alice: “No. Fucking. Way.” He laughs and shoos them back into line.

Later, at dinner, Al and Val sit with Ammo, Graciela and several other women from their yard. Alice notices Josie from Yard Five enter the mess hall. Josie and Val meet each other’s eyes and nod a greeting. Wade sees this too, and a look of suspicion and anger clouds her face. She and her cronies step up to Alice and Val’s table. Wade, her voice low: “I bet you think you’re real clever, pulling something like that off on your first day here.” Val, calmly: “We were just discussing the political organization of our little group here. It seems there are some who take issue with your leadership. I am put in the position of having to decide whether or not to take that leadership from you.” Wade splutters with indignation. Val: “Wouldn’t you like to know what decision I’ve made? Or perhaps you’re clever enough to figure that out all on your own.” Wade is displeased to discover that half of her yard is backing Val. And then she notes the uncomfortable expression on Alice’s face. Wade, to Al, menacingly: “What about you, Freshie? Looks like you’re the swing vote.” Alice, horrified: “Me? No. Nonononono. I don’t wanna, you know, hurt anybody’s feelings here. You guys decide.” A guard starts toward them, hand on her baton at her belt. Wade says this isn’t over, but leaves with her gang. Ammo and the others glare at Alice. Al: “What?!” Val seems nonplussed.

Aaaand we’re back to Alice in the shower, getting smacked around by Wade. Wade: “You will back me for yard leadership. You will jump when I say fucking jump.” Alice whimpers, nodding frantically, when suddenly something twines around Wade’s throat, pulling tight. Val is strangling Wade with a bed sheet twisted around like a rope. Melody lets go of Alice and starts toward Val, but Val hisses a low warning. Val: “Are you sure you want to do that?” Melody freezes, her face reddening. She’s afraid of Val. Meanwhile, Wade is turning purple. Val, to Wade: “This isn’t personal. This is business.” She twists the noose open and shoves Wade away from her, releasing her. Wade gasps for breath and steps toward Val again, about to charge. Val raises a finger in warning: “You do not want to make this personal.” Wade hesitates, Val beckons Alice to come to her. Val, to Wade: “And do keep your hands off of my friend, Alice. I find her company very… diverting.” She pulls Alice to her possessively. Alice suddenly seems to notice that Val is fully clothed, while the rest of them are bare-assed. She blushes. Wade makes no further move against Val, but she spits on the floor between them before she leaves, her crew following her out.


Alice, to Val: “Okay, seriously. Who are you? I mean, thank you, but… who the fuck are you?!” Val strokes Alice’s hair, regarding her thoughtfully. Then she grabs a fistful of Al’s hair, yanking Al’s face in close. “I am Valentina fucking Galindo,” she breathes, her eyes dangerous, her lips still smiling. She kisses Alice hungrily. Al’s eyes fly open in shock until she surrenders to the kiss. Val pulls back, pats her on the ass and walks away. Off Alice’s stunned expression, the same blank look we first saw on her face.

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"Ilene says, in an interview given less than 10 days ago, that she is still looking for a home for the show, but given this leek, I'm thinking it's only a half-hearted effort.
And given that she also revealed that she'll be explaining what happened to Jenny in the L Word movie, I'm thinking Alice won't ever really take the hit for Jenny's demise." by aliceO from http://www.aliceschart.com

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